Relationship goals

Ashley Batz/Bustle Issues from past relationships can be hard to shake — and that's OK. You're allowed to feel confused, hurt, or angry about a relationship that's gone wrong. What is important is that you don't let that negative energy turn toxic and start affecting how you view all relationships . "Previous hurt and pain either from our family or other relationships is the biggest reason why people develop negative mindsets around relationships in general ." Jennifer B. Rhodes, licensed psychologist , tells Bustle. "We all need to do our healing work and get to a place where we can see our behavior and our partner’s behavior in a positive light." It's not fair to your partner or to your relationship to view them negatively because of something that happened before you even met. That being said, it's an easy thing to do. If you realize your past relationship issues are affecting the way you view your current relati...

When you look at your roster of failed relationships , you might be tempted to want to use mental Wite-Out to forget about the partners of your past that were anything but right for your future. But before you toss them in the mistake section of your brain, consider them as stepping stones toward you finding the right person to be with. Rori Sassoon, a relationship expert and CEO of the matchmaking service, Platinum Poire, believes in having your fair share of romantic relationships before settling down, especially because there are some things you should experience before saying “I Do.” “You should definitely have gotten your heart broken , have experienced breaking someone else's heart and know how terrible it feels, and how to avoid such pain going forward,” Sassoon says.  Playing the field, Sassoon says, is important because experiencing the ups and downs of relationships will help you be successful in a fut...

Ashley Batz/Bustle If someone has high-functioning or mild anxiety, they might notice that — while not super intense — their anxiety can still impact their life in surprising ways. Take relationships, for example. Having anxiety in a relationship might mean someone develops habits that affect how well they communicate with their partner , how they handle conflicts, or even what they feel like doing as far as couple-y activities and dates go. Mild anxiety has the potential to hold a couple back from being happy, and it can keep them from feeling secure. But that doesn't have to be the case. "The impact that anxiety has on a relationship is determined by how each member of the couple handles the anxiety," Natalie Moore, a​n LA-based mental health expert , tells Bustle. "First off, the anxious individual needs to be doing all they can to manage the amount of anxiety they're bringing into the relationship, whether that means utilizing meditation,...

THE MOST asked question on Google last year was also the one posed by our reader in today’s column. The question comes from Florence in Hillcrest: “How do you make long-distance relationships work?” It comes as no surprise that technology has made it easier for parents to let their children emigrate for a better future, and that long-distance relationships are becoming more popular despite its challenges. The world today is not the same one we knew before Facebook arrived just over 10 years ago. The algorithms in computer coding that match the behaviour of users is how apps make it easy for us to discover like-minded people online. Social media made it easy to get connected and stay connected. Unfortunately, as we spend more time online we also spend less time developing face-to-face social skills. Long-distance relationships do not allow for physical touch. When we touch, our bodies release hormones. Instead, long-distance relationships develop emotional bonds tha...

Simple things like setting boundaries can improve and even save relationships at home and at work. Boundaries. They come in all shapes and sizes and show up in different areas of our lives. We set them physically, emotionally and spiritually. They are established based on our beliefs, experiences and social norms. Operating in a reciprocal way, boundaries affect both incoming and outgoing interactions. A boundary is anything that indicates a limit. Consider boundaries as the fence between your personal core values and the needs of others. Boundaries are created to mark our tolerance of how others behave towards us. Almost serving as a measuring spoon in life, they identify our capacity to accept differences. Boundaries serve to protect us. I recently met with a...

Toxic relationships are directly related to mental health. Recently I published a couple of articles on toxic relationships that focused on how to recognize toxic individuals and toxic relationships and  how to leave a toxic relationship and still love yourself . Relationships do not directly result in mental health disorders and eating disorders but trauma secondary to toxic relationships is a definite trigger. May is Mental Health Awareness Month (link is external) and we often stray away from talking about the aftermaths of toxic relationships due to the stigma that is associated with toxicity and mental health. However, we must talk about it because it is something that affects many individuals on a daily basis. “Most of us have been involved in a toxic relationship at one time or another in our lifetimes. We all have been in the company of others who did not act for the greater good of anyone besides themselves. Toxicity comes in all forms...

"Good relationships are all about compromise." "If you want a great relationship, learn to compromise." "A healthy relationship means compromise." Some variation of "compromise more" is probably the most common, universally accepted piece of relationship advice—the idea being that if you learn to meet your partner halfway, you'll both be happy. But as a relationship and intimacy expert who has been guiding couples for 20 years, I don't think that advice is actually true . Here's why: 1. Compromise can make you lose touch with what matters to you. The result of frequent compromise is that you become accustomed to accommodating your partner's desires, and in the process, lose track of what you really want. I once worked with a couple, Joanne and Mike. When they started dating, she loved spicy food—her favorite restaurants were mom-and-pop Mexican places with jalapeños hanging from the ceiling, and she love...

Two studies on how best to teach elementary schools students – one on the popular trend of "platooning" and one on the far less common practice of "looping" – at first would seem totally unrelated other than the fact that they both use silly words with double-o's. Platooning refers to having teachers specialize in a particular subject, such as math or English, and young students switch teachers for each class. Looping is a term used when kids keep the same teacher for two years in a row. They don't switch teachers for each subject and don't switch each year. One economist found that platooning might be harming kids and two other economists found that looping is quite beneficial. The reason one doesn't work and the other does may be related. "These studies are important because they tell us that teacher-student relationships matter," says Tyrone Howard, a professor of education at the University of California, Los ...

There is no rule book on how to make a relationship work. Despite love not being a science, there are certain truths that some couples already know which is making their relationship flourish. Here are six relationship principles successful couples already know. Relationships are hard work After watching a ton of romantic comedies in your teenage years, it’s easy to assume that being in a committed relationship will be a bed of roses — forgetting that even roses have thorns. Perfect relationships don’t just happen; they require hard work and dedication. To have a great relationship, it’s important to have this vital knowledge from the get-go. Appreciate each other every day Bouncing off the first point, one may think making an effort daily is hard work — but it’s not. Appreciating your partner does not always have to be grand gestures but instead, it’s the smaller, more personal efforts that count. These small gestures make them aware that you care. Also, use ...

They're married, but they sleep with other people. Do polyamorous people understand love and sex better than you do? Getty Kevin and Antoinette, a married couple in Philadelphia, are out to dinner with their two little girls. Between inside jokes and bites of chicken fingers and pasta pomodoro, they talk about their day, about school, about movies. Like any typical family. But two other adults are with them at the table, a man and a woman. After settling the check, Antoinette leaves with the man — her boyfriend, Gary. Kevin says goodbye to them and to the woman, his girlfriend, Maggie. (Their names have been changed.) Kevin will take the kids tonight while Antoinette sleeps at Gary's. Tomorrow, Antoinette will be with the kids while Kevin stays with Maggie. People sometimes think they're divorced...

ARE you a short girl who loves a tall guy? Well, you may be in luck. A recent study has claimed that shorter women who couple up with much taller men have the happiest relationships - and it's all down to evolution. According to this study, Louise Thompson and her personal trainer boyfriend Ryan should just about have one of the happiest relationships of all time This study has found that there is an unexpected scientific correlation between a husband's stature and his wife's happiness. Researchers found that out of almost 4,000 Indonesian couples that took part in the survey, the happiest were those with the greatest height difference. In other words, Made in Chelsea's Louise Thompson and her personal trainer boyfriend Ryan Libbey should just about be the happiest couple ever. Of course there were other factors that played into their happiness, including self-esteem and income but the study found height played a surprisingly big factor in most of...

Many Chinese people now live together before getting hitched, but they have worse relationships than married people in almost every way — with one notable exception. In recent years, more and more Chinese couples are breaking with taboo and living together before marriage. Many couples are university students; others are youngsters undertaking so-called trial marriages. Even widowed elderly people are moving in together for care and companionship in their twilight years. Researchers generally define nonmarital cohabitation as a sexual relationship in which the couple delays or forgoes the legal formalities of marriage. In 2001, the Chinese government removed a definition from the country’s marriage law that made it illegal for a man and a woman to live together outside of marriage. Today, the practice is only against the law when one or both cohabitants are already married to another per...