Relationship goals

“Look at this.” My friend stuck her phone under my nose. On it was a picture on Instagram of a couple we both know, a photo of one of them pursing her lips over a frothy cocktail in a dim bar, flash on. Underneath, the caption said something like, “Weekly Love Post #72: Fancy cocktails with bae #mygirlfriendisbetterthanyours #weekiversary #sorryshestaken.” “Blagahh,” I said, doing my best vomiting noise and pushing the phone away. My friend cackled, delighted by how quickly she was able to irritate me. This couple celebrates their “weekiversary” every week, without skipping. Ever. They have been doing it for 72 weeks, which is about 17 months, which is nearly one and a half years. Make it stop. It is so early in this couple’s relationship and I’m already exhausted. So are most of our mutual friends. The responses on their weekiversary posts have dropped from dozens of “You two!!” and “Cutest couple ahhhhh!!” comments in the early days of their relationship to just a single c

In any relationship, whether long or short term, one best way to cultivate the relationship is through communication. A relationship is like a plant. In the budding stage, you have to give plenty of attention until it gets to a stage where the roots have anchored themselves into the soil. Then one’s attention turns to making sure the plant keeps healthy and is watered and the branches trimmed. The difference between the plant and the human relationship is that for long-term relationships to last, each partner has to keep the attention and spark of the earlier times going. Date night is one of the activities that will keep the spark going in a relationship when there are children. Just the two of you going out on a date, whether it is dinner or a movie or a show. My philosophy in life is that Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day should be celebrated every day in a household. By celebrating these special occasions every day it helps in keeping the communication energy f

Whether you know it or not, you’ve been phubbed. “Phubbing” — snubbing someone you’re talking to to look at a cell phone  —  may not be part of your everyday vocabulary, but it’s almost certainly part of your everyday life. Just think about how often a conversation stalls because your friends (or you) have pulled out a phone and descended into an Instagram black hole. The phenomenon may seem like a relatively harmless, if annoying, part of modern life, but research is finding that it may be hurting your relationships. “Ironically, phubbing is meant to connect you, presumably, with someone through social media or texting,” says Emma Seppälä, a psychologist at Stanford and Yale universities and author of  the Happiness Track . “But it actually can severely disrupt your present-moment, in-person relationships.” Here’s what else you need to know about phubbing. Phubbing makes you feel less connected Several studies have shown that phubbing makes face-to-face interac

The defenses we use in love can also work against us. Source: Mavoimages/Depositphotos If you’ve ever fallen for someone, I’m guessing you’ve probably confronted a basic, human dilemma in emotional  intimacy : Self-exposure versus self-protection   If we walk the road of self-exposure,  we allow ourselves to be vulnerable (link is external) . We stop simply liking or caring about another person, and we start deeply loving them. Our mind paints pictures with them in our future. As we open up and reveal inner feelings, motivations, and life experiences, we let them see further into us and our own particular brand of quirkiness. We share celebratory news as well as the saddening losses and disappointments we’re enduring. We ask for what we need, voice our preferences, and acknowledge what we don’t want.  We trust our partner to be faithful (if we’re in a monogamous relationship), truthful, and kind, and to have our best interests at heart. Self-exposure opens the door

…And how to build good relationships, too! Source: Paul Cross/Flickr In previous articles, I have discussed  characteristics that can make for better or worse romantic partners . I have shared strategies to  identify relationship partners who are both attractive and compatible  to you. I have even shared  how to avoid various types of manipulations in relationships  and  keep things fair for you and your partner . While those are all important specific issues in  dating  and relating, in this article I decided to look at the topic more generally — namely, how to avoid bad relationships.  On the flip side, I was also interested in exploring broad concepts for how to build good relationships, too. With those more over-arching questions in mind, I went back to the research literature… Game Theory and Strategy My answers this time began in a book on Game Theory from Dixit and Nalebuff (2008) titled  The Art of Strategy: A Game Theorist’s Guide to Success in Business and