Many romantic relationships are actually doing fine under coronavirus lockdown, study finds

If you’ve been holding your breath, waiting for your relationship to crumble under coronavirus lockdown, well, take a breath. Maybe it won’t.

A new poll suggests that Americans might not be headed for the coronavirus divorce spike that China has seen, and many Portland-area residents agree that their relationships are stronger than ever.

A new national Monmouth University poll of people currently in a romantic relationship found the “vast majority” report that mostly their relationships have stayed the same as before the pandemic upended normal life.

According to the findings, of Americans who are in romantic relationships, “59% say they are extremely satisfied with that relationship and 33% are very satisfied. Another 4% are somewhat satisfied and just 1% are either not too or not at all satisfied.”

That “extremely satisfied” number is very close to previous national polls -- 57% in 2017 and 58% in 2014.

The type of relationship also matters -- 64% of married partners are extremely satisfied while only 47% of unmarried partners are.

But, according to the poll “there are no significant differences by gender, age, or race.”

When The Oregonian/OregonLive asked people on social media how their relationships were holding up under lockdown, the results were similar.

Many people said their relationships were the same or better since the pandemic hit.

“It was great before and it’s even better now,” said Annie Widawsky. “He’s totally my partner in crime and we both work full time and he’s a badass at home too.”

Multiple people said they were enjoying the extra time with their partner, for some more time than they have ever gotten to spend with the person they are in a relationship with.

“Being able to spend more quality time with each other has allowed us to talk about and do more things we normally wouldn’t have as much time to do if we had to resume going to the office five days a week,” Keegan Martinez, a newlywed, said.

“We're going on more walks with our dog throughout the afternoon, not just the evenings,” Martinez said. “Overall, I think our love for each other has grown as we realize how easy it is to live with each other.”

For some couples, the time together has meant discovering things about their partners.

“My husband and I are celebrating our 20th anniversary tomorrow,” said Kendra Lwebuga, who is working from home with her husband and twin 11-year-old sons.

“I’ve learned things I didn’t know about my husband,” Lwebuga said. “One of those things is what it was like for him to be an internal refugee in Uganda when Idi Amin was overthrown in 1979. He was out of school and had to move away from his home for several months due to bombing.”

“His is quite a different perspective on vulnerability and resilience from what we are experiencing today,” she said.

Others, like Bridgett LaBella, said the struggle of intense closeness was ultimately good for their relationship.

"We've had to really increase our communication, compromise, and give each other a bit more space,”LaBella said. “With a small baby at home things haven't been easy, but I think we will come out on the other side of this stronger!"

Of course, not all couples are blissfully growing closer.

Several people who responded said their relationships were breaking up during the pandemic.

“My 10-month relationship ended abruptly a few weeks ago, with zero warning,” said Dawn Richardson. “Up until that point, I thought we were one of the ‘wow this has been great for our relationships’ couples, so it was especially shocking. As a single working mom, it’s hard to separate everything to see the breakup with total clarity, and it does seem to have resulted from the pressures created by the greater context.”

Still, a dramatic change is not the norm. According to the poll, 74% of Americans said their relationship hadn’t substantially changed since the pandemic.

For Daava Mills, who filed for divorce two weeks before the state stay-at-home order went into effect, major aspects of the separation, like moving apart and telling her daughter, are on hold, making a difficult situation even harder.

“The courts right now are pretty much closed for cases like ours,” Mills said. “And we likely won’t get a court date until early fall.”

The pandemic hasn’t changed one aspect of her relationship.

“I do know that I was pretty resentful heading into filing,” she said, “and right now, I am very resentful.”

The 74% statistic also explains why many people who responded to us said that they started in happy couples and remained happy.

“We have a very happy marriage already,” said Rebecca McCormick, “and have both enjoyed spending all of this quality time on home projects and hanging out with each other.”

“I'm super grateful,” she added.

A solid foundation, unsurprisingly, seems to be the key to making it through the many challenges presented by coronavirus.

“My wife and I have always had a pretty strong and stable relationship,” Robert F.P. Ludwick said. “We don't get into fights or large arguments, and we always assume positive intent from the other -- in part because we always try to bring our best selves and understanding to the relationship.”

“The quarantine hasn’t adversely impacted our relationship much,” he said, “because we already had some of the necessary tools in place to deal with the pandemic.”