What It’s Like To Get Married on Zoom

Unsha Bakker’s wedding day, the 27-year-old sat in front of her computer, dressed in her mother’s red and gold wedding sari. The sari wasn’t the wedding outfit she had in mind, but neither was her living room as a venue. Her wedding had been planned for July with a venue, vendors, and an imam nearly decided, but the couple had not foreseen the pandemic. Bakker, who lives in Queens and works as a nurse at NYU, did not want to wait. “We were like — if we wait a couple of months for this to die down, who knows who will be affected by the virus?”
Eventually, Bakker and her then-fiancé settled on an idea they’d seen around the internet. What if they held their wedding virtually? Bakker tweezed her own eyebrows and did her own makeup. They decorated their house with hanging flowers and glitzy fabric. Then, they carefully examined each of the 10 wedding guests before they were allowed into the house, checking their temperatures and making sure they weren’t showing symptoms of the novel coronavirus.
On Saturday night, 70 screens, including that of an officiant from California, tuned into Zoom for their nikkah, the Muslim ceremony. It turned out that a virtual wedding isn’t so different from an off-line wedding. Some people still showed up late. Other older family members forgot to turn off their microphones. “I was trying to see what girls were on the chat,” laughed Rafee Uddin, one of the attendees, who streamed in with a suit on top, shorts on the bottom, and whiskey in hand.
The Bakkers.
Long after the wedding ended an hour and a half later, participants lingered. Bakker and her husband went screen to screen, meeting their wedding’s attendees, her husband’s extended family in Pakistan, Bakker’s extended family in Bangladesh, college friends, relatives across the United States. “I never knew I could feel so much love from a screen,” Bakker said. “For that one hour, everyone thought the world was normal.”

As Covid-19 has descended on the United States and forced people to stay at home, trillions of dollars worth of events have been canceled — the airline industry will lose $252 billion in revenue this year, restaurants will lose $25 billion in sales, and nearly 20 million jobs might be lost by July. But isolation hasn’t stopped people from finding new ways to meet up. Zoom went from 10 million daily meeting participants in December 2019 to 200 million this March, and Google Meet added 2 million participants just last week. Online, people are holding classes, attending happy hours, closing deals — and getting married.
Over 160 screens — Malone estimates more than 300 people — tuned in to Malone’s wedding, with family members from Hawaii to the Philippines waking up early or staying up late to stream in.
“We kept our hopes up and kept watching the news,” remembered Jennifer Malone, 26, who got married on Zoom on March 18 after canceling the venue, vendors, and makeup artist she had lined up for her April wedding. “At first, it seemed social distancing rules would mean we’d have less than 250 guests, then we saw the number go down to 50. Week by week, our emotions went up and down. Eventually, two weeks ago it hit 10 and then we had shelter in place.”

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They had a week to plan, but shops were closed and they had new hoops to jump through. First, Malone and her fiancé realized they did not have access to a wedding license, which meant they did not have an officiant. Malone and her family had to do some quick thinking. They reached out to a local clerk’s office and sped up the process for a marriage license. “We realized that we could explain that we needed health insurance, which is so important right now,” Malone remembered. “The health insurance allowed them to make an exception for our case to be expedited.”
The Malones.
From that point, the duo had limited time. Malone had managed to get her wedding dress out of the shop before shelter in place went into effect. Her makeup artist Megan Johnson streamed in to give her guidance the week before, and Malone practiced her makeup herself all week. “We kept it at a simple red lip,” said Johnson. “She’s really good at that.” On Thursday, they hit Trader Joe’s, picking up hydrangeas and roses for a centerpiece, and ingredients for chocolate cupcakes and a vanilla marble cake.
They transformed their home into the venue, decorating it in fairy lights, draping garlands around the staircase, and scattering it with white and gold balloons. Her husband’s grandfather was the minister. “It became more intimate because we had to do it ourselves,” said Malone.
Over 160 screens — Malone estimates more than 300 people — tuned in to Malone’s wedding, with family members from Hawaii to the Philippines waking up early or staying up late to stream in. “We couldn’t invite as many people to our original reception,” said Malone. “Friends and families on our B and C list were able to come in.”

Some, like Kirti Dwivedi, 42, who moved up her May wedding to celebrate at the end of April, say they struggled with the ethics of celebrating during a pandemic. “So many people are struggling, and so many of my very good friends have lost their jobs,” explained Dwivedi. “I had to think — how can I channel my wedding into something that I feel good about?”
Dwivedi’s first thought was to keep up the high spirits, so she hosted a virtual bachelorette party with her friends across the country. She also plans to collect $5 to $10 on Venmo from each of her wedding attendees to donate to people who’ve lost jobs. “I still feel sad,” said Dwivedi. “Even at the wedding, not hugging my own parents will be so hard. Not having my family members near will be difficult.”
Kirti Dwivedi’s virtual bachelorette party.
Online weddings aren’t always the stuff of dreams — and definitely not during a pandemic — which is a sentiment that all three echo. Malone’s parents live in New Jersey and couldn’t drive down to Maryland; Bakker had family friends who were skeptical that a Zoom wedding could be fun and adhere to tradition. “I’m making stuff for my own mandap,” said Dwivedi, referring to the Hindu altar. “Who the hell does that?”
And so, Malone is having another wedding in September. Bakker is planning to hold her reception later this year. Dwivedi has spoken to her original venue — her dream location — and postponed the date to the fall. But for now, a choppy Zoom connection, low-resolution videos, and an hour and a half spent with family and friends is more than enough.

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