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‘It’s all about relationships and being that positive role model for the kids that need us the most’

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Feeling Trapped or Abandoned: When Relationships Run Hot or Cold

By nature, humans are wired for connection. We seek out others to share our lives with, with the goal of forming lasting and intimate bonds. So feeling trapped or abandoned in an intimate relationship shouldn’t be a common thing, should it? Actually, these experiences are common for partners who wind up repeating cycles within intimate relationships that they may be unaware of. Feeling trapped or abandoned are commonly seen in the push-pull dynamic found in unhealthy relationships; both styles often represent two sides of the same coin. Engulfment and Abandonment Defined Fear of being engulfed, or  trapped,  is often indicated as feeling smothered, or in losing one’s autonomy within the relationship. People who report feeling trapped may try controlling their partner through hostile withdrawal, emotional indifference, cheating or otherwise punishing the partner, up to and including, abandoning them. Fear of being  abandoned  is often indicated as being afraid to be a...
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Since the coronavirus pandemic started, many of us have spent an extra 40 hours per week at home with our partners. That’s 2,400 additional minutes in each other’s space. We’ve picked up 97 of our spouse’s empty seltzer cans and conjugated hundreds of French verbs for our children, since school is closed and we’re now school. But who’s counting? We are. And that counting — whether it’s the number of times you did the laundry or how many Zoom meetings were interrupted by a child in underpants asking for Goldfish — kindles the flame that can reduce a relationship to ashes. The national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have advice about how we can defend our bodies, but what’s going to protect the health of our relationships? Soap and water won’t work: Divorce filings have spiked in China, and we’re now seeing similar reports in New York City. We’d be kidding ourselves to think that this isn’t going to spread across the nation, even as states begin to reopen. We need to...
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