Friendships more valuable than other relationships

ABIGAIL DOUGHERTY/STUFF

Eleanor Black: happy to have good friends.

A couple of years ago I delivered some bad news to my niece: the mean girls who were tainting her school experience with their gossipy, exclusionary nonsense might mature into mean women.
She had assumed, as I once had, that on reaching adulthood the kids who judge you for the clothes you wear and the music you like, and other stupid stuff that does not matter in any material way, get over themselves. Sometimes they do, and that is called "growing up". Sometimes they don't, and that is called "not your problem". (This is as true for boys as for girls, by the way; gender is irrelevant.)
The thing is, you don't need these energy vampires clogging up your life, and you sure as hell don't need their approval. What you do need is a reliable cheerleading squad with whom to share the journey. That's because friendship has an even bigger impact on wellbeing than family relationships, according to researchers - possibly because friends are the ones we actively choose to love.

Owen Lopez

Friends make life better.

Rebecca Adams, a sociologist at the University of North Carolina, says that those of us with a core group of close friends are less prone to sickness, suffer less stress, are happier, better able to weather the bad times and likely to live longer. We handle grief better, and enjoy more meaningful celebrations.
Less is more when it comes to friendship; in fact humans can only manage 150 relationships at a time, says Oxford University evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar, who reckons nearly all of your Facebook friends are just people who look at your flattering photos and leave "wow" emojis.
He describes bands of intimacy radiating out from your core like the layers of an onion: your five closest friends, then another 10 good friends, then 35 casual friends, and a further 100 acquaintances. In my experience, the five closest friends tend to fulfil different essential functions.
There's the Bestie, often our significant other, the eggs to our bacon, with whom we share our lives in their messy, gorgeous totality. This person is the most fun and also the biggest pain in the arse, or is that just me?        
The Long Service Hero is the friend who has known you since you were a foal-legged cutie in primary school, or some other foundational, embarrassing time. While your bestie will pull you up on your shit, this stalwart is always flying your flag.
The Wise Owl is not necessarily older, but radiates calm as your personal Buddha. They have not only lived your current predicament, they have found a genius solution to it, and they will share their strategy with you over homemade lasagne.             

All workplaces are kind of ridiculous in one way or another (The Office is so funny because we know those awful people). The Work Pal is someone who also recognises the absurdity for what it is, and serves as an essential support and morale booster.
The Trench Buddy is going through the same transformative experience you are - pregnancy, boot camp, PTA - and you don't have to explain yourself.
Actually, I think not having to explain yourself is crucial in all friendships. True friends are the people who like you as you are, and in the times when you are not at your best they draw from a deep reservoir of goodwill. May you have all the friends you need.