Relationship goals

On the day that I stood up at the altar and said, “I do” to my wife, the most consecutive days we had spent together stood at a whopping 12. What?! How could I, at the age of 23, commit my life and love to a woman who I’d never even spent two weeks in a row with?? Some would say it’s reckless. Others would call it foolish. Most would think it’s downright crazy. We hadn’t lived together, hadn’t slept together, and must have had NO idea what we were getting ourselves into, right? Wrong. We were finally closing the distance that we had endured for the majority of our three-year relationship. School and missionary work kept us apart for the majority of that time, but we were finally coming together, for good. As a teenager, I never thought I would end up in a long distance relationship, as I had only heard negative things about them. But I’m here to tell you that they are indeed possible, and to discourage the notion of not pursuing someone just because there are some miles in between the

“He replied with a smile…to learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved…to learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally differently…” The group session began as it always did with a simple icebreaker question we all had to answer:  What is it you know now that you wish you knew then...?  As the group answered the question one by one the usual (and important) reflections on courage and self belief emerged. Then unexpectedly someone said: '  I now know (and wish I knew then) that shallow love is no less genuine than deep love and the secret to sustainable relationships is aligning your effort with their input in order to close the gap.' What the... ? Suddenly the room stopped - the silence hung in the air - it seemed as though no one wanted to move on from that comment - everyone just sat there waiting for more to be shared.... 'You see earlier in my life I was good at starting relationships - romantic, p

Believe it or not, there’s a new kind of agency in Japan that helps clients to look for and rent relationships. Looking for a temporary husband, wife, girlfriend, parents or even guests to a fake wedding? These agencies can supply the warm bodies you need. In an interview with local media, one agent revealed that he started the business after a single mother told him she was desperately in need of a “husband” to attend her daughter’s school admission interview. Some Japanese schools – prestigious ones, in particular – are pretty biased against single parenting, and so the single mother had wanted to eliminate one possible factor that could have her daughter rejected by the school. This rental business also runs in Hong Kong, but it is limited to rent-a- boyfriend and rent-a-girlfriend. People pay for someone to go out with them to shop, dine, watch a movie or, depending on the what’s agreed upon, to have sex with. It’s also called “compensated dating”.  The customers cannot stand long-

WHITE RIBBON DAY When it comes to women who are the victims of violent relationships, often the most difficult task can be maintaining a positive relationship with their children. A unique Shepparton-based pilot program that began in October this year aims to bring mothers who have had hurtful experiences as a result of family violence and their young children together during the course of 22 weeks. Children and Mothers in Mind facilitators Liz Meloury and Jeanette Monteith said they had hoped for more participants, but the program had been a success with just five weeks left to go. ‘‘The women in the program have been really enjoying it,’’ Ms Meloury said. They said the program, delivered by the Caroline Chisholm Society, began with a six-week focus on the mother, her past traumas and what constitutes a healthy relationship, with the mothers sharing their stories. ‘‘It’s really great for them to hear someone else say something they’ve been thinking or feeling,’’ Ms Meloury said. The m

It's important to cherish the memories, even if it means holding on to a record with the words "FUCK YOU" carved into it. Like all good things – at least, all things that start out good but finish in a toxic pit of misery – most relationships come to an end. When they do, you're usually left with some memories, some lessons learned and a box of junk – stuff your ex gave you, or stuff they just couldn't be bothered to pick up after it all ended in tears. Depending on how painful the breakup was, you might want to chuck that box at some point, or douse it in gasoline and set it ablaze. But chances are that, before you finally do, you'll snatch out that one little thing you can't bear to part with. A card, a book or a shirt that looked great on you. We asked people from cities around Europe to show us the stuff they've held onto long after a relationship ended. Bugsy,Musician, London, United Kingdom Photo by Chris Bethell I've kept a rare Gaslight Ant

“The first time I got turned on in any way after the rape, I burst into floods of tears,” says Tanaka Mhishi. Tanaka is just one of the seven people who feature in  Life After Sexual Violence , a seven part series which throws a spotlight on the reality of life after a sex attack. Navigating one’s closest relationships can be tricky in the aftermath of sexual violence. Tanaka describes how he suffered significant trauma in trying to navigate healthy sexual experiences after being raped, and how he burst into tears when having sex for the first time after the attack. “I hadn’t cried up until that point actually,” he says. “I’d just been in this fugue zombie shock state. So the coming back to myself could also be bizarrely more painful than just staying traumatized sometimes.  Just over one in three victims experience problems with their partners, closest friends and family as a result of sexual assault and rape. Common issues include arguing more frequently than before, feeling unable t

Q. I’m a 35-year-old woman. I’m living with my boyfriend, who’s a freelance artist (talented but just getting started). We’ve been together for three years, and I am paying for pretty much everything. I don’t feel resentful. I feel like we’re a team and eventually his career will take off. However, my parents keep saying it’s a bad dynamic: I’m coddling him, and he’s taking advantage of me. — Worried A. Ideally, when one partner is the sole breadwinner, the other is the stay-at-home parent to more than two rambunctious goldfish. There’s a term in risk researcher and former derivatives trader Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s books — “skin in the game.” That’s what’s missing when, say, a hedge fund honcho advises you to make some big-bucks investment. If he’s guessed right, he’ll share in your profits. However, any losses are all yours — as in, you’ll find him up in his penthouse, not two cardboard boxes down from your new “home” on the corner. “Skin in the game” is also what’s missing from your

Dear Reader, I was always close to my youngest son, but last Christmas he announced he was quitting university after one term and we had a bit of a falling out. This was a massive shock, as it took a lot of effort to get there and he was so happy, texting me to say so. Yet for a few years he’d worshipped (from afar) this girl from school, but she had a boyfriend. She went off to a different uni, but by November 2016 she’d decided to quit. So he did, too. He said he’d been unhappy and thought about suicide, but I didn’t believe him. He then started living with her at her parents’ (calling it ‘home’) and they haven’t been apart since. Mother’s Day was ruined because she kept phoning during our meal, so he said he had a panic attack and left! All summer they worked and saved to go travelling in Europe. Before they left, he was to have tea with his brother and me on the Wednesday, then we would take her out for dinner the next night. He said he wanted to bring her to tea, too; I suggested