Past relationship experiences to learn from.

1. It’s okay to just not want to be in a relationship anymore. I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships feeling the need to justify not wanting to be in them anymore. ‘He hasn’t cheated on me or hit me or anything,’ I would think to myself as if I needed a thing to warrant my leaving. You don’t. If you just don’t want to be in that relationship anymore, then that’s enough. 2. Having someone believe in you is a very powerful thing ‘He was ambitious and driven and full of confidence, and he made me see that I could be all of those things too. I had a boyfriend at the university for six months who, I think it’s fair to say, changed my life. He didn’t do anything dramatic, he just had an approach to life that was totally new to me. He was ambitious and driven and full of confidence, and he made me see that I could be all of those things too. 3. People sometimes say things they don’t mean Not necessarily because they are bad people, but because they want to please you or impress you. Don’t listen to the words though, watch the behavior instead. It’s all very well someone telling you that you’re the most important thing in their life, but if they can’t treat you that way then you’re right to be suspicious. 4. Be yourself I once pretended to be a huge Eels fan – the band, not the slippery creature – to try to impress a man. I was young and impressionable. Please forgive me. You can only be yourself though and you have to love yourself to understand that that’s enough. The other person needs to love you for who you are, whether or not you have the same taste in music. 5. If someone turns up to dinner with two bottles of red wine, see it as a red flag ‘Red was his favorite. It was not mine.  ‘I wasn’t sure whether you liked red or white,’ he said to me. ‘So I bought two red.’ Red was his favorite. It was not mine. I really should have paid more attention to that. 6. Age is just a number A big age gap doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but also sometimes it is. In my experience, it’s more about where you both are in your lives, and having shared goals and ambitions, than what year you happened to be born. 7. You can’t change someone I read something recently that made me stop and think. It said: ‘if this person that you’re with is still exactly the same person in five years time, do you still want to be with them?’ Don’t enter a relationship or stay in one because you’re pinning your hopes on someone changing. It’s not fair on either of you. www.lastdon.org

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