Traumatised childhood & relationship
Sometimes as an adult, you may wonder why you act a certain way in your relationships. You probably have noticed at least one point in your life that you seem to have some issues that are affecting your relationships with others and it’s starting to become a problem. Studies have shown that a lot of times when you have deep-seated issues they come from your childhood which actually has a huge impact on your life right now. Something happened in your past that deeply affected you and it is currently affecting you now which can cause major problems in your relationships which can often result in the ending of that relationship which isn’t good.
If you are reading this then that is great because it means that you are already on your way to fixing the problem. Your first step to repairing these matters is awareness. Once you see that you have a problem only then can you truly do something about it. You have to understand that a lot of what you are dealing with just didn’t start in your adult years; it could have started in your childhood. For example, you could be in a monogamous relationship and you notice that you tend to be angry a lot but the reason has nothing to do with your partner, so you have to know that it’s not them, it’s you. Maybe you didn’t get enough love and attention from your parents and you are angry about that self-consciously. Or, your partner complains that every now and then you have outbursts and that you turn into the Incredible Hulk. So, here’s the thing. You don’t want to turn into the Hulk for no reason. You want to be that sweet spouse or partner who can control themselves without signs of being a sometimes raging lunatic.
For example, I always knew that I had some anger issues. I figured it out in my mid-thirties asked myself why I have this mean side to me. I sat by myself and prayed and meditated until it came to me that I had truly missed my father. My father died when I was a very young girl and I never had that solid father and daughter relationship. It was something that I craved even now as an adult. I wasn’t even ten years old when he passed away. I had figured out that my “mean girl” side that sometimes popped up in my interpersonal relationships was from the trauma of my father dying and feeling abandoned. The angry part of me instigated arguments and became emotionally withdrawn on purpose which affected my relationships in a very negative way. It took me a couple of years to work through those issues and to basically fill that void that was missing with love for myself and knowing that my dad loved me and it was merely his time to be called home to heaven. It was a struggle but I worked through it and have become a better partner in my relationships. Some issues that may be affecting you now that stemmed from childhood could be the following:
Anger Issues
Abandonment issues/Rejection
Low Self-Esteem
Selfishness /Entitlement
Negative/Trust Issues
This can be very frustrating to have something that has happened to you at a young age and that still affects you at age 30, 40 or 50 and so on. However, there is help and you can get through this. The list below are positive helpful ways to overcome dealing with past hurts and pains that affect you in your current life.
Awareness
When you start to notice, something is wrong with you because you keep lashing out for no reason and you don’t want to be like that anymore. Decide that you no longer want to be like this and begin how to learn to fix it.
Set your mind
Be clear that you are ready and willing to make a change in your life to fix where you went wrong and unlearn wrong beliefs and do not waver. Say to yourself: I will change this behavior!
Face your demons. Become totally aware of your demons; the issues that you have been imprisoned to and face them head on and decided that you are breaking free from them. If you have any addictions -there is a reason behind it. Most likely it is some type of void that you are trying to fill but filling voids with people and things are a trap. God loves you, therefore you can love yourself and fight for your life.
Realizations
Realizing the truth of the matter helps you power through unhealthy situations because you learn that your perception of certain things were wrong all along and now that you realize the truth which is powerful. The bible says, “The truth shall set you free” and this is law. Believe this! Now ask yourselves, what are your truths? This will help you to stop believing the lies.
Choose to live in the present.
Live in the now and let go of past hurts. Leave the past in the past and look forward to the future but celebrate life right now where you are. Your happiness starts now in the shoes you are standing in, not when you meet the love of your life and not when your father tells you he loves you or your mom finally says she appreciates you. Live in this moment and forget what happened before and let it go because it doesn’t serve you in this lifetime anymore.
Prayer/Meditation
Prayer and meditation really can help you focus on what is now. Ask for guidance on how to move on from your past hurts so that it doesn’t affect you anymore. Meditation is quieting the mind and feeling a sense of calm and serenity while focusing on nothing but your breath. It is amazing and can help you center your thoughts on what is real. There are many variations of meditation. Google meditation and try it today.
Seek Therapy
When all else fails there is always therapy which is a great help –Ask around or google a therapist to talk too. Don’t think that you must be “crazy” because you are talking to a therapist. A therapist can be lots of help. They help to you find your power and they help you see things in a different light and just getting things off your chest and talking can be lethargic.
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