Allowing a relationship with a friend to ‘fall apart’

The most important question in relationships is – why bother? They either enhance our lives in some way or we should drop them.

I decided a while back not to stay stuck in all my relationships, just to see what would happen if I went with my gut feelings. Four formerly “important” relationships have fallen away. I left a long-term relationship – my partner was happy in it – but I had endlessly been repairing. The vacuum left more room for me, and ultimately for a different partner, one where “repairing” is a constant feature for both of us and it works well.
I’m not for dropping friends or partners easily; but a little space can tell a lot. For me, a journal reflection, written from stream of consciousness over a period of months revealed the undeniable fact that my partner did not suit me.
We fear the vacuum too much. We do not realise that poor quality relationships use our time and energy, denying us the chance of better.”
I rarely get emails advocating that people drop relationships that no longer fulfil them.
Yet, how often have you and I heard it said in conversation that such and such a person “would be better off getting out of there”?
Usually, “there” is a marriage in which one partner is abusing or totally neglecting the other.
So it’s abuse or neglect rather than a lack of fulfilment that we’re usually talking about when we advocate that friends or relatives get out.
Yet, I suspect that most breakups arise not from abuse or neglect but from one or both partners getting too little from the relationship. This is followed by conflict, things get worse and separation follows.
www.lastdon.org 

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