Relationship goals
Ever wonder why your relationships keep ending? Why are you so attracted to emotionally immature guys or girls? Why do you keep repeating similar patterns over and over?
These are hard questions to answer. Most people will blame external factors. They’ll say “Oh my relationships keep ending because I just choose the wrong people” or “there are no good guys out there, they’re all immature”. In a way you’re right. You likely do keep choosing the wrong people. You likely do keep attracting immature guys so it seems like there are no mature guys out there. But the problem really lies within yourself. You attract what you are.
If you’re emotionally immature yourself then you will attract the same. You’ll also be attracted to the same even if you say you’re not. You’ll completely overlook the more emotionally healthy people out there, so it’ll look to you like there aren’t any. If you have narcissistic tendencies, which the rate of that being diagnosed has doubled over the past 10 years, then you might even completely blame other people for what happens in your relationships. You’ll think “I’m mature but I keep dating immature girls, I need to stop doing that and look for mature girls”. On the surface that seems like a healthy way of thinking, but you’re lying to yourself or not aware that you yourself are immature as well.
Most of us are emotionally immature, how could we not be? Our society doesn’t value psychology. It doesn’t value mental health. Many see therapy as something for mentally weak people. Especially with men, this is a problem since we have this definition of masculinity that is completely wrong.
The reason I’m so familiar with the excuses of an emotionally immature person is because I’ve been one for the longest time. On the surface, I looked like I had my shit together. On the surface, I probably seemed mature, but emotional maturity is a whole different thing. It‘s something you have to work towards, as all of us start out immature.
We don’t realize where this comes from since it never gets talked about, but our repressed childhood traumas have a lasting effect on us. They stay with us no matter how hard we repress them. Repressing is why it keeps affecting our relationships.
The scary thing is, even traumatic memories from a very young age that we’ve forgotten because we’ve repressed them can affect your entire life. There’s a great story of in “Drama of the Gifted Child”, which everyone should start out reading to learn about childhood trauma, that illustrates how extreme and long one event in your childhood can affect you as an adult.
In the story, there’s a woman who always has anxiety whenever she’s really successful or really happy, in a relationship or in her career. Obviously, this sabotages all her relationships since every time she’s happy she gets anxious and looks for the danger or the problem. Since she’s always looking for the problem when the relationship is good she always eventually finds one or creates one.www.lastdon.org
These are hard questions to answer. Most people will blame external factors. They’ll say “Oh my relationships keep ending because I just choose the wrong people” or “there are no good guys out there, they’re all immature”. In a way you’re right. You likely do keep choosing the wrong people. You likely do keep attracting immature guys so it seems like there are no mature guys out there. But the problem really lies within yourself. You attract what you are.
If you’re emotionally immature yourself then you will attract the same. You’ll also be attracted to the same even if you say you’re not. You’ll completely overlook the more emotionally healthy people out there, so it’ll look to you like there aren’t any. If you have narcissistic tendencies, which the rate of that being diagnosed has doubled over the past 10 years, then you might even completely blame other people for what happens in your relationships. You’ll think “I’m mature but I keep dating immature girls, I need to stop doing that and look for mature girls”. On the surface that seems like a healthy way of thinking, but you’re lying to yourself or not aware that you yourself are immature as well.
Most of us are emotionally immature, how could we not be? Our society doesn’t value psychology. It doesn’t value mental health. Many see therapy as something for mentally weak people. Especially with men, this is a problem since we have this definition of masculinity that is completely wrong.
The reason I’m so familiar with the excuses of an emotionally immature person is because I’ve been one for the longest time. On the surface, I looked like I had my shit together. On the surface, I probably seemed mature, but emotional maturity is a whole different thing. It‘s something you have to work towards, as all of us start out immature.
We don’t realize where this comes from since it never gets talked about, but our repressed childhood traumas have a lasting effect on us. They stay with us no matter how hard we repress them. Repressing is why it keeps affecting our relationships.
The scary thing is, even traumatic memories from a very young age that we’ve forgotten because we’ve repressed them can affect your entire life. There’s a great story of in “Drama of the Gifted Child”, which everyone should start out reading to learn about childhood trauma, that illustrates how extreme and long one event in your childhood can affect you as an adult.
In the story, there’s a woman who always has anxiety whenever she’s really successful or really happy, in a relationship or in her career. Obviously, this sabotages all her relationships since every time she’s happy she gets anxious and looks for the danger or the problem. Since she’s always looking for the problem when the relationship is good she always eventually finds one or creates one.www.lastdon.org
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