Counselor’s Corner: Expressing feelings about actions of others secures relationships

Reverand Warren Watts sits in his office at Calvery Methodist in Martinsburg. Watts was chosen by his peers as the best counsler. (Journal Photo by Dennis Grundman)
People depend on their spouses in variety of ways. This can be both normal and healthy. Problems develop when a person becomes overly dependent and starts to view normal independent action on the spouse’s part as a sign of avoidance. Chronically, viewing the actions of one’s spouse with feelings of abandonment shows a need to examine the balance of dependence and independence in the relationship.
All to often, individual insecurities, both real and perceived, are expressed in fears of loss regarding the significant people in one’s life. Constant fears and accusations of abandonment can put a great deal of stress on a relationship. In time, a vicious cycle develops in which the couple does start to avoid each other. Usually this has developed to a crisis before seeking outside help.
Treatment involves both parties learning to express their true feelings about the actions of the other, rather than letting negative feelings fester and escalate. Learning to be more open with each other can be the beginning of a greater sense of security and control, reducing the feelings of abandonment that make both feel isolated. Should this be an area of concern in your family life, contact your pastor or professional counselor of your choice.

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