What's The Difference Between A Polyamorous And An Open Relationship?
Getty Images
Being in an open relationship is totally the same thing as being polyamorous, right? (Asking for a friend...)
Actually,
while the two share some similar characteristics, they’re very
different. “An open relationship is one where one or both partners have a
desire for sexual relationships outside of each other, and polyamory is
about having intimate, loving relationships with multiple people,” says
Renee Divine, L.M.F.T., a sex and relationships therapist in
Minneapolis, MN.
Both open and poly relationships
are forms of consensual non-monogamy, and technically, polyamory can be
a type of open relationship, but expectations tend to be different when
it comes to these relationship styles.
Are You Looking For More Love Or More Sex?
Open
relationships typically start with one partner or both partners wanting
to be able to seek outside sexual relationships and satisfaction, while
still having sex with and sharing an emotional connection with their
partner.
“People are looking for different
experiences and want to meet the needs that aren’t being met in the
relationship,” says Divine. But there’s never an intention for feelings
to get involved.
In polyamory,
the whole point is to fall in love with multiple people, and there’s
not necessarily any relationship hierarchy, says Divine. For example,
someone could be solo poly (meaning they want and seek poly
relationships whether or not they’re dating anyone), and they may enter
into two separate relationships at the same time and view each as equal.
In their nature, poly relationships are open,
since they involve more than two people. But not all poly groups are
looking to add more people to the dynamic, and aren’t always actively
dating. This is called closed poly, meaning the group includes multiple
relationships, but there’s an expectation that no one involved is
expanding the group.
What Kind Of Boundaries Do You Want To Set?
In
open relationships, couples may talk with their primary partner about
their outside relationships, or they might decide together that it’s
best to keep those exploits to themselves, says Divine. They may have
sexual encounters together, in the instance of swinging, or they may go
out with other people on their own.
In polyamory, there tends to be more sharing
between partners about other relationships as there are emotions
involved. A poly group might consider themselves “kitchen-table poly,”
which means the whole group could hang out together comfortably. Two
poly people might also date the same person, or have a triad-style
relationship, and that typically doesn’t happen in open relationships,
says Divine.
Should You Go For It?
If monogamy feels a bit restrictive to you, and you crave flexibility, open relationships or polyamory could be a good option. Which path you follow depends on what you want out of the additional relationships.
“Open
relationships tend to be more focused on having sex outside a main
relationship, but keeping that primary, dyadic relationship as the first
priority,” says Divine. “I have run into couples where one wants a poly
relationship and one wants an open relationship, but that person was
not comfortable with their partner having an emotional connection with
anyone but them.”
People might go into this
because they’ve developed different needs over a long-term relationship,
or because their looking to add excitement and interest to their lives.
“But it revolves around a two-way love,” says Divine.
Related Story
People who want to be poly, “believe you can love
multiple people,” says Divine. “They’re open to additional people in
that way, and they want that emotional attachment. Plural love is the
main focus.”
In either case, expectations need
to be clear with any partners who are making a change with you. “In
some couples, one wants to try something new, and the other is okay with
that, without participating themselves,” says Divine. “The key is
communication. These relationships styles are all about being upfront
and honest about what you want and what your needs and boundaries are.
The most successful ones are those where people are on the same page.”
Comments
Post a Comment