The Practice of Relationship

We get very little education and preparation for relationships.

So many relationships end because of a lack of intimacy.
So many relationships end because the love seems to fade and disappear.
So many relationships end because we stop talking to each other.
So many relationships end because we stop touching.
So many relationships end because we stop connecting.
At the best of times, relationships are complex.
Because we’re complex and complicated.
You’re bringing you, all of you.
I’m bringing me, all of me.
And from this, there’s us.
We get no, or very little education and preparation for relationships.
Our model is our parents. We see what they show us of their relationship, mostly with no or very little explanation of what’s happening between them. We’re left to form our own picture of this. And based on what we know, we have some huge gaps to fill in.
Our next source of relationships is the media.
Illusion, fantasy, Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood, the Interweb.
Throw in the narrow perspectives of religion, the expectations of how it should be, and we’re lost.
Then add a few drops of the different ways people are in relationships today, open relationships, polyamory, long-distance…
It’s still crazy to think that in a world of information, a world that puts a premium on education, for this Most Important Part of Life, we hardly have any.
There are many elements that make a relationship work, make it successful, whatever that means. And it’s different things for different people.

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I’ve come to see something from the work that I do, the people I see in my practice, and of course from my own life.
Make love and Relationship a practice.
A daily practice.
Where every day you practice your love, your connection, your intimacy with your partner. You show them that they are important, that they matter, that you’re interested in them.
A practice makes us aware, conscious, present. We do things not of habit, but rather out of heart.
With meaning, with intention.
The practice of love, of relationship, of intimacy, of sensuality, doesn’t have to take a long time.
It’s not hours of massaging and Expanded Orgasm and Tantric Sex, although those are elements of the practice.
It’s not, oh, her love language is gifts, we all have a myriad of love languages.
It’s not waiting for the spontaneous; you can wait a long time for those moments.
It’s a daily practice of looking into each other’s for just 2 minutes, of hugging a little longer with feeling, of kissing with presence, of talking and listening, of telling you what I appreciate about you, of touching you with love and a thousand other little things.
With awareness, heart.
Because there is love, and we want that to expand, to grow. So we nurture it. We learn about it. We learn about ourselves, about each other. We read, we take courses.
Because it’s important.
Because I’m important, because you’re important.
Because we are important.

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There’s a fascinating perspective that many people have; I’ve got you, I don’t have to do anything else.
You have to practice it.
If you don’t practice at work, they tell you to go home because everybody else is learning more.
If you don’t keep healthy, your body is going to say goodbye.
And yet, one of the Most Important Parts of Life, nobody teaches us.
Make your love and relationship a practice.
Desire changes, it comes and goes. Passion comes and goes. You feel more love, a little less love.
Everything in life moves, cycles, changes.
When there’s a practice, it’s there.
Alive, vibrant, a sanctuary, a space for growth, for intimacy, for pleasure.
A space for life.