Love, relationships and homicide

The government, religious, traditional and community leaders and social workers should as a matter of national emergency begin to address more concretely and honestly the growing incidents of culpable homicide and related offences committed in the course of relationships and marriage.

Related to the issue of culpable homicide are the ever recurring and ever present incidents of open and closet spousal abuse and violence. Although incidents and occurrences of murder and spousal abuse are ever present in our relationships, it seems to me that the number keeps increasing by the day and we only know of those that are reported and those the police and other security agencies have unravelled. I decided to return to this topic because of two different but interrelated incidents that occurred in two villages in Katsina State.

The incidents are not trending in the social media because of the low circumstances of the victims and the alleged perpetrators. Of course, we know that circumstances of birth and standing and status in life have a bearing on how some incidents are reported and the type of attention that is paid to them.

In the first incident, the Police in Katsina arrested a 15-year-old bride in connection with the death of her husband. Dausiya Abdulmumin of Unguwar Danmayaki Village in Bakori Local Government Area of Katsina State was alleged to have poisoned her husband, one Saminu Usman (27) and her eightyear- old brother, Muhammad Abdulmumin with the only survivor from the incident being one Shafa’atu Usman, younger sister of her husband. Dausiya Abdulmumin in her interrelation with a section of the media claimed that she poisoned her husband because she was forced to marry him. She stated that: “I was forced to marry him, and weeks to the marriage he had an accident that deformed him which compounded my woes.

More so, I am pregnant ahead of the marriage to one Abdurrashid, our neighbour in the village whom I love. I sent for N40 rat poison which I spread in the rice and beans I cooked which they ate, I never imagined it will be like this.” In the second incident that took place in Tamawa Village in Kurfi Local Government Area of Katsina State, the Police arrested one Abubakar Sule (23) for attempted homicide.

He was alleged to have attempted to kill his girlfriend because she jilted him. The suspect told newsmen that his former girlfriend Aisha Dikko (21) whom he had dated for close to five years jilted him and started seeing someone else. The Commissioner of Police Katsina State, Besen Gwana, stated that Abubakar Sule took the said Aisha Dikko from Charanchi on a motor bike into a bush in Tamawa Village in Kurfi Local Government Area and attacked her with a knife and inflicted serious injuries on her. The suspect then abandoned her in the bush thinking she was dead.

The Commissioner of Police stated that the “victim was later found by a Good Samaritan and rushed to the General Hospital Kurfi. She is currently on admission and responding to treatment.” As I pondered on these two incidents, I reflected on an incident and proceedings I witnessed almost 20 years ago in an Area Court in the Malali Area of Kaduna State.

The young bride instituted divorce proceedings before the court praying for the dissolution of her marriage. She anchored her grounds on irreconcilable differences with her husband. She insisted that her husband deceived her into marriage only for her to find out that the man’s “instruments of performance” cannot sustain the marriage.” The presiding Area Court Judge kept adjourning the matter and urging the couples to reconcile.

The husband kept claiming that the love between him and the wife is unbreakable and on no account should the court dissolve his marriage. On this particular day in court, the young bride with a placid and “expressionless expression” informed the court that she has attempted to poison her husband on two occasions and failed and that she knows why she failed and that on the third occasion it will be a done deal. Amazingly, the husband stood there in the witness box smiling and telling the Judge that he still loves his wife and that the Judge should give him a further chance to reconcile with the wife.

The Judge sensing danger and realising that the issue had moved beyond the question of love quickly dissolved the marriage. Culpable homicide punishable with death or culpable homicide not punishable with death or the infliction of life threatening injuries on a friend, a spouse or a relative or on anybody for that matter is a very serious social issues and a grievous offence.

No amount of provocation can justify the taking of the life of a spouse while the person is sleeping or the poisoning of the food of an unsuspecting husband or wife. Although love and hatred seem inseparable, the taking of the life of another in the name of love or hatred cannot be justified.

Of all the rights listed as fundamental in the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, 1999 (as amended) (herein referred to as the Constitution) the right to life is listed as the first. This shows the centrality and fundamentality of the right to life.

Section 33 of the Constitution provides that: “Every person has a right to life, and no one shall be deprived intentionally of his life, save in the execution of the sentence of a court in respect of a criminal offence of which he has been found guilty in Nigeria.

Section 33(2) goes further to give the exceptions to the general rule that every person has a right to life. It provides that “A person shall not be regarded as having been deprived of his life in contravention of this section, if he dies as a result of the use, to such extent and in such circumstances as are permitted by law, of such force as is reasonably necessary – (a) for the defence of any person from unlawful violence or for the defence of property; (b)in order to effect a lawful arrest or to prevent the escape of a person lawfully detained; or (c) for the purpose of suppressing a riot, insurrection or mutiny.”

There is no doubt that so many families are facing challenges and holding the family together in a manner that is rational, just and acceptable is becoming increasingly difficult. A lot of young girls are demanding more independence and more involvement in choosing a life partner and believe that the society can no longer insist that what worked in the past must work in the present circumstances. Economic hardship and challenges are also putting a lot of pressure and strain on families. Some of our ladies go into marriage expecting “nollywood” bliss and expectation and end up in disappointment and depression and getting out becomes difficult.

Some of the men construct their relationships on false and unattainable foundations and at critical moments, such foundations collapse like a pack of cards. On the other hand, some spouses envy their better endowed colleagues and use false standards to assess their circumstances at home.

All these turn the family into a theatre of war where peace and love are in short supply. The rising incidents of spousal abuse, murder, intolerance and impatience cuts across religious, ethnic and geographical boundaries and the newspapers, the broadcast media and social media are awash with such incidents and stories. It is important for spouses that cannot endure difficult circumstances to find the means and courage of walking away and starting life afresh rather than take the life of their partners in bizarre and unacceptable circumstances.

I understand that walking away has its own social and economic implications especially where one of the partners is educationally and economically crippled and disadvantaged. Walking away in such circumstances is like walking into slow death. We as a people and as a nation must get involved in this new but old fight of spousal violence and homicide through sensitization on the virtues of tolerance, patience and moderation in the choices we make.

The government and civil society groups should also collaborate in setting up functional and properly funded half way homes where people in difficult marital circumstances can check in and reassess their lives before taking a decision on their future.