Explain that they have ownership and agency over their own body and
should always feel safe and respected within any relationship.
Dating is a normal and
usually happy developmental progression on the path to your teen’s
independence. But some young romantic relationships take an unexpected
turn.
Tameeka
Grant, Ph.D., has more than 20 years’ experience as a researcher; most
of her work has been devoted to program evaluation to improve services
for children and families.
Photo provided to the Miami Herald
According to the
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (www.nrcdv.org),
approximately 1.5 million teens are in an abusive romantic relationship.
The indignity, manipulation and violence they suffer is no less
isolating, soul-crushing and life-threatening due to their tender age.
Just as in adult relationships, the abuse can be verbal, emotional,
physical, sexual and digital, with the latter being an especially
effective control mechanism for youth who’ve grown up with and live
their lives on “Insta,” Snapchat and Pinterest.
The seriousness of this issue has even elicited concern from the National Institute of Justice (www.nij.gov),which
funds studies on teen dating violence to examine 12- to 18-year-olds’
experience of abuse in the context of romantic or consensual
relationships. That concern is supported by loveisrespect.org, an
organization created to engage, educate and empower youth to prevent and
end abusive relationships, further pointing to the importance of
addressing these behaviors early on. Its sobering statistics reveal that
the severity of intimate partner violence in adults is often greater in
cases where a pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.
Furthermore, a longitudinal study published in the American Academy of
Pediatrics (www.aap.org) found that teens caught up in harmful
relationships with those they are intimate with are at a greater risk of
depression and engaging in risky behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse.
Addressing this issue is
crucial to ensuring your child’s safety by teaching them what does —
and doesn’t — constitute a healthy relationship, as well as allowing you
to outline positive dating parameters they’ll rely on well into
adulthood.
Recognize red flags
Discuss consent with
your teen. Explain that they have ownership and agency over their own
body and should always feel safe and respected within any relationship.
Teach your child what a healthy romance looks like, and contrast that
with harmful scenarios. Talk about the inappropriateness of partners who
subject their significant others to put-downs, name-calling, yelling
and threats. Make it clear that controlling behaviors are abusive too.
Demanding that a boyfriend or girlfriend neglect relationships with
family and friends should raise an immediate red flag, as should
exaggerated jealousy over past relationships. And of course, physical
violence is never acceptable under any circumstances, nor can it be
rationalized away. These conversations should also address — and
question — socially and culturally ingrained male dominant and female
subservient roles. Break down what a balanced dating relationship looks
like with your teen. Remember too, that children often emulate behavior
they see at home, so be particularly aware of modeling respect,
consideration and kindness in your own relationship.
Emphasize the power of no
Encourage your child to
promote clear communication with their partners. Talk them through not
worrying about what a boyfriend or girlfriend may think if your child
doesn’t agree with everything they say or do. Convey that it is
acceptable to say no or walk away from anything they see as problematic
or that makes them uncomfortable in a relationship. Help them practice
doing that by role-playing, and be sure to include what they should do
if met with pushback or aggressive behavior.
Ask others to chime in
Broaden the personal
conversation about teen dating violence to include community groups and
schools; some have educational modules that parents can access and
support. Organizations like the National Resource Center on Domestic
Violence and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (www.cdc.gov
— check out its “Dating Matters” initiative) offer free downloadable
materials on the subject. After-school, athletic and worship-based
programs, clubs and counselors can be urged to explore the topic with
their participants. Know that there are others in the community who can
help you educate your child and help keep them safe.
Navigate troubled waters
If you suspect your
child may be in an abusive relationship, calmly express your concern and
offer practical steps to getting help. Make it clear they are not
responsible or to blame for the abuse. If your child is resistant to
discussing the situation or becomes hostile or defensive, provide them
with relevant resources they can contact on their own, such as loveisrespect,
which utilizes trained teen dating violence survivors who will text,
speak or chat online with your teen; the National Domestic Violence
Hotline (www.thehotline.org); and the Florida Coalition Against Domestic
Violence (www.fcadv.org).
A conversation about
abusive relationships may be awkward to initiate, but it’s critical. The
earlier it happens, the better the chances your children will enjoy
safe and happy romances — now and as adults.
Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/education/article199097089.html#storylink=cpy
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