Low self-esteem can affect your relationships

Everyone struggles with self-esteem at times. Although it is natural to have fluctuations in confidence, if your self-esteem is consistently lacking, it can have a negative impact not only on you, but your relationships as well.
Research has shown that self-esteem not only influences your relationship satisfaction, but your partner’s as well. Self-defeating thoughts and insecurities can affect the way you act with your partner. According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, low self-esteem can distort your perception of your partner.
If you are experiencing any of the following issues, you and/or your partner’s self-esteem may be hindering your relationship.
  • Communication issues  — not feeling confident enough to stand up for yourself or express your feelings; allowing yourself to become walked on or even abused; passive-aggressive statements; hearing what you believe rather than what your partner is actually saying.
  • Toxic behavior — belittling your partner on a constant basis; sabotaging your relationship.
  • Overbearing — dependent on your partner for a constant emotional fix and constant attention; relying on your partner as your source of happiness; expecting your partner to fulfill all your social needs and share every emotion with you; cannot stand the thought of being alone.
  • Avoiding confrontation — will not confront or take on any stressful issues; lack the belief that you deserve to be treated with respect; will tolerate hurtful behavior from others too often and for too long; immediately go into “fix it” mode even if that means demeaning oneself or allowing emotional abuse.
  • Feeling attacked all the time — being defensive all the time; unable to identify constructive criticism versus being bashed by harmful words.
  • Possessive — being controlling; isolating your partner from people; accusing your partner of cheating; jealousy.
  • Being a “pleaser” — will do anything to keep a partner or a relationship intact; spend a majority of your time trying to figure out what your partner may be thinking, feeling or wanting so you can try to meet those needs.
Repairing low self-esteem is a process and takes time. Although counseling is not always necessary, it can be helpful in addressing self-defeating thoughts and insecurities within relationships. Low self-esteem can be deeply rooted and originating from traumatic childhood experiences such as separation from a parent, neglect or abuse. Counseling assists individuals in identifying the cause of low self-esteem and reversing negative thinking.
Perhaps you are unsure if you should seek help from a professional. Counseling might be beneficial for you if you are struggling with any of the following:
  • The issues or specific situations are affecting your wellbeing (causing depression, anxiety or stress) or ability to work.
  • You are unable to communicate with your partner, family or friends about the issues.
  • Issues from the past are having an impact on your day to day life or relationships.
  • You are having difficulty finding a solution to your issues on your own.
  • You are abusing drugs, alcohol, food or sex to cope.
“Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help, and brave enough to ask for it.” —Ziad K. Abdelnour

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