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Relationships and depression


Every relationship — and every experience of depression — is different, but here are five strategies that can help keep our relationship strong.
Be honest
Honesty is so important in a relationship. If we suffer from depression, it’s important to be open about this with our partner (or someone close to us) — even though this can feel daunting. Being honest helps our loved one understand us, and enables them to support us when times get tough.
If our partner has summoned the courage to be honest with us about their mental health issues, it’s important to be honest back. If we are worried, or confused, or unsure — say so. If we have questions — ask them. Our partner may not have all the answers (though they live with the condition that doesn’t mean they understand everything about it), but they’d rather say that than be faced with silence.
Have empathy
Although we can’t live in our partner’s head, we can put ourselves in their shoes.
If we are in a relationship with someone with depression, we need to remain mindful that although we cannot see it, they are ill, and their different behavior often comes from their illness, and not them.
Try to understand what is good and right about them. This practice allows you to now see what is different about them. These differences in their “normal behavior” that lasts two weeks or longer are signs of depression.
When we view our situation through our loved one’s eyes, it’s easier to understand how they are feeling and what they are going through.
Communicate
Good communication is incredibly important in a relationship. We need to feel able to express our thoughts and feelings, explain our behaviors, and advise on how we’d like our needs to be met.
If our partner struggles with depression, be patient. Remember mental illness isn’t logical, and our loved one may be just as confused by it as we are.
We might feel the need to offer advice, but this isn’t necessary: most likely they just want a safe place to voice how they’re feeling, and comfort in return.
So, invite yourself to have a loving and caring conversation.
Support each other
If we’re supporting someone with depression, it’s important to get support for ourselves too. It’s vital for our own emotional wellbeing to take time out from caring to care for ourselves.
Remember support from outside of our relationship can be incredibly helpful too — we don’t just have to manage this between ourselves. Connecting with people in a similar situation can be very enlightening.
Show a united front
Healthy relationships are partnerships — in the truest sense of the word. When one person in the partnership is struggling, the other is there to unquestionably offer support.
When you’re in a relationship, your depression is not just your problem, it’s both of yours.
Sadly, not all relationships are partnerships. If we struggle with depression, and our partner is unwilling to try and understand how things are for us or offer support, it may be time to reach out to a family member or close friend for help. The important thing is to connect with someone close to you who will help you by sharing your honest feelings.
Of course, negotiating the challenges of mental health in a relationship is difficult, so our partner might not understand you right off the bat. However if they are accepting of the situation, and willing to invest their time and love and support towards shared goals we are in a strong position.
Relationships involve valuing, supporting and caring for one another. We have someone to stand alongside us as we face the challenges and joys life throws our way.
We’re in it together.
Mental illness is treatable. Suicide is preventable.

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